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Actor MARTIN SHORT gave U.S. TV audiences a late night laugh on Wednesday (19Jan11) with a song and dance spoof about troubled stars in rehab.
Short was appearing as a guest on The Late Show with David Letterman when the host asked him mid-interview if he would care to perform a song.
The funnyman obliged and told the audience as he made his way to the stage: "You know in my business, or in our business, there’s a traditional career path: TV, movies, then Broadway, your own special, reality show host, the Palm Springs Follies, and then this show… But the challenge on this magical journey is to stay relevant and fresh. And if you really want to remain white hot in the press - there’s only one place to go." As the music began a pair of back-up singers and a drummer appeared onstage, dancing behind him.
And Short used his musical moment to mock troubled stars who’ve hit headlines for all the wrong reasons, as pictures of Britney Spears, Lindsay Lohan, Liza Minnelli and Whitney Houston flashed up on a big screen.
As the audience roared, he sang: "If you want to be a star/Then you better go to rehab/Take some pills and hit the bar/Then smile for People magazine.
"You can ridicule my plan/Who would want to go to rehab? Now Robert Downey’s Iron Man/No one makes more than Charlie Sheen.
"There may be alcohol or pills/Or something nobody expects… I’ll check back out and check back in!"

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ZSA ZSA GABOR’s daughter FRANCESCA HILTON is scoffing at reports her mum and stepfather have put their Bel Air mansion on the market, insisting the $28 million (18.6 million) asking price is too inflated to be true.
Socialite Hilton also insists her stepfather, Prince Frederic Von Anhalt, has no right to sell the famous 26-room property because a pre-nuptial agreement he signed before marrying Gabor in the 1980s forbids him from profiting from the mansion.
Hilton’s publicist Edward Lozzi says, "The price is so inflated that it is not considered to be seriously for sale here in Beverly Hills Real Estate circles.
"Also it was revealed during investigations in a previous lawsuit between Von Anhalt and Hilton, that Von Anhalt gave up all financial interests to the house. Documents are on public record.
"Hilton claims that Von Anhalt has no right to sell the house or partake in the assets of same, unless he can prove otherwise." Meanwhile, Gabor is recovering after half of her right leg was amputated last Friday (14Jan11).
Gabor’s hospital recovery could take up to four weeks, but the actress’ spokesman John Blanchette is hopeful the star will be able to return home in time to celebrate her 94th birthday on 6 February (11).

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Actor PAUL SORVINO is nursing his family dog back to health after the pooch was brutally shot on the grounds of his Los Angeles home during the holiday season.
The Goodfellas star’s daughter, Amanda, the sister of Oscar-winning actress Mira Sorvino, reveals she was horrified after she followed a trail of blood on the property and discovered their beloved pet, Unis, critically wounded.
The six-year-old white shepherd was rushed to a veterinarian and underwent several hours of emergency surgery.
Amanda tells the National Enquirer, "Unis was shot execution style! He was just jumping and playing in our fenced-in property, and someone savagely shot him from the top of a hill.
"It’s amazing he survived." And her actor dad is still keeping a close eye on the pooch as Unis prepares to have more surgery.
Paul Sorvino says, "It’s unconscionable that this animal had to suffer so. This was a gentle animal that would not hurt a soul and may never walk properly again." The incident remains under investigation by local authorities.

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OKSANA GRIGORIEVA will struggle to fight allegations she secretly taped phone calls with MEL GIBSON with the purpose of extortion - her former bodyguard insists she wanted to "pressure" the star into handing over a financial settlement.
The former couple split last year (10) and is currently locked in a bitter custody battle over baby daughter Lucia.
The break-up turned nasty when Grigorieva accused the actor of domestic violence, and captured him on tape allegedly confessing to striking her.
But police have been called in to investigate the Russian singer amid claims she purposely recorded the heated phone conversations with Gibson in a bid to force him to pay her a settlement sum to keep their disputes out of the press.
Grigorieva has denied the accusations, insisting she only taped Gibson’s angry calls because she feared for her life - but her former security guard Kristian Herzog claims otherwise.
Herzog, who was fired by the singer in October (10), tells TMZ.com she wanted "to pressure Mel to pay her money" and suggests Grigorieva plotted the extortion early on, branding her a "sexual sorceress".
He has also defended Gibson against allegations he punched his ex - he claims Grigorieva told him all about the violent incident and admitted that the actor had only slapped her.

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TV mechanic JESSE JAMES is engaged to wed celebrity tattoo artist KAT VON D - less than a year after his cheating scandal spelled the end of his marriage to SANDRA BULLOCK.
The Hollywood actress dumped James in March, 2010 after reports of his infidelity hit the headlines, days after she won her first Academy Award.
Their divorce was finalised in June (10) and James has wasted no time moving on - he’s confirmed rumours he’s asked Von D to become his fourth wife.
James has declared his love for the tattooed star to People.com, revealing he knew she was the one for him after seeing how dedicated she was to the relationship while the "world turned their backs" on him.
He says, "You know sometimes the public and press gets it wrong. This is one of those times. 2010 was actually the best year of my life because I fell in love with my best friend. An amazing woman who stood behind me when the world turned their backs.
"I have never met anyone so kind and loving and committed to making the world a better place every day. My love for her is beyond description. So honoured that she said ‘yes.’ Growing old with her is going to be a f**kin’ blast!" His 28-year-old bride-to-be gushes, "There is no one else for me. He’s the one." Von D sparked reports of an engagement in October (10) when she was spotted wearing a huge antique ring on her wedding finger at a book signing - but she refused to address the speculation.
She told USA Today, "I don’t know if I really feel comfortable talking about it." She was previously married to fellow ink artist Oliver Peck, but they split in 2007. Von D has also dated rocker Nikki Sixx.
James, 41, began dating Von D last summer (10).

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JOHN TRAVOLTA’s wife KELLY PRESTON has credited KEVIN SPACEY with helping her through the tragic death of her son JETT on the set of their latest film CASINO JACK.
Preston teams up with Spacey onscreen in the crime comedy and the role marked her first return to work after the teenager suffered a fatal seizure during a holiday in the Bahamas in January, 2009.
The actress admits she was reluctant to get back to acting and struggled through her first few days on set, but she is grateful to Spacey for cheering her up and easing her grief.
She says, "(Spacey) was a lifesaver, really. I mean, at that point, I really didn’t want to go back to work… They condensed my work down to a couple of weeks, which was really nice. But every day, he’s so… he’s so naturally funny. And he made me laugh. And that was the greatest - the greatest gift he could’ve given to me while we were working."

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JAMES BLUNT had to argue with his record label bosses to keep a saucy song on his latest album - because they deemed the track too "filthy" to be included on the CD.
The Beautiful hitmaker released his third studio album, Some Kind Of Trouble, in November (10) - but he almost had to drop a song called Turn Me On from the record following pressure from music bosses.
Blunt reveals he was asked to scrap the track - but he fought for it to stay on the disc.
They eventually agreed to place Turn Me On as the last song, following five seconds of silence, to separate it from the rest of the album.
He tells British TV show Loose Women, "My record label didn’t want it on the album at all. I wrote it in an over excited moment. I think (they wanted to leave it off) because they didn’t think it would be appropriate… it’s filthy.
"So my album runs songs one to 11 and then there’s a gap, and then there’s song number 13, which is the unlucky song Turn Me On… You know behind closed doors I’m filthy."

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BRITNEY SPEARS has secured her place at the top of the U.S. Billboard Hot 100 after breaking records with her new track HOLD IT AGAINST ME.
The pop superstar garnered the highest number of U.S. radio plays ever in one day when she debuted the song last week (10Jan11), and she has gone on to score her fourth number one single in America.
Spears sold over 411,000 downloads of the track in the week since its release - the highest ever for a female artist, breaking the record of 325,000 digital sales set by Taylor Swift’s Today Was A Fairytale last year (10).
Hold It Against Me came in at number one, followed by Bruno Mars’ Grenade at two and Katy Perry’s Firework at three.
The top five is rounded out by Rihanna and Drake with What’s My Name? and Wiz Khalifa’s Black And Yellow.

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WILL SMITH is reportedly in talks to revive hit musical ANNIE on the big screen with his daughter WILLOW in the title role.
The comic strip tale of Little Orphan Annie became a massively successful stage show in the 1970s and spawned a popular 1982 movie starring Albert Finney and Aileen Quinn.
The story was brought back by Disney for a 1999 TV movie, but Hollywood superstar Smith is now said to be in negotiations to take Annie to cinemas in a brand new remake.
Smith, who remade The Karate Kid with his son Jaden, has his 10-year-old singer daughter Willow in mind for the lead role, according to Variety.com.
The website reports rapper Jay-Z, who signed Willow to his Roc Nation record label, has been lined up to help with the film’s score.
The hip-hop mogul sampled a song from Annie in his 1998 single Hard Knock Life (Ghetto Anthem).

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GYWNETH PALTROW is facing the wrath of her daughter’s teachers after confessing she let the youngster skip school so they could spend a day together at the beauty salon.
The actress admits she allowed six-year-old Apple to take a day off because she felt like she needed to spend some more time with her.
She tells America’s Good Housekeeping magazine, "I’ll probably get kicked out of our school for admitting this, but I let Apple stay home yesterday. I just needed to be with her.
"We went out to lunch, we went to the beauty salon, we were together." But the special treat backfired on the Iron Man star - because Apple then promised her four-year old brother, Moses, that Paltrow would also let him have a day off from school during term time.
Paltrow then scolded her daughter, telling her, "Apple, couldn’t you have just asked me first? I know you’re trying to make your brother feel better, but…oh, Apple!"

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Hip-hop mogul JAY-Z is taking his chain of 40/40 sports bars global - he’s launching five new venues in the next 12 months, including spots in Tokyo, Japan and Macau, China.
The Big Pimpin’ hitmaker opened his first 40/40 Club in his native New York in 2003 and followed up the success of that venue with new branches in gambling hotspots Atlantic City, New Jersey, in 2005 and Las Vegas in 2007 - although the Sin City venture closed after almost nine months.
Now Jay-Z is expanding the business and has outlined plans to establish the brand in Chicago, Illinois, Dallas, Texas and Atlanta, Georgia, as well as the two locations in Asia.
The 40/40 Club is also set to pop up in airports across the U.S. - the rapper signed a deal with bosses at hospitality firm Delaware North Companies in December (10).

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BEHEMOTH frontman ADAM ‘NERGAL’ DARSKI has been released from hospital after undergoing a successful bone-marrow transplant.
The Polish rock band scrapped a European and U.S. tour last summer (Aug10) when Darski was diagnosed with leukaemia.
He spent months in hospital fighting the disease and waiting for news about a possible donor.
Darski announced late last year (11) that a match had been found and he recently underwent the life-saving operation at a hospital in Gdansk, Poland. He has now been discharged to spent the next few months recovering at home and he is already plotting his return to the stage.
In a statement released by the band, Darski says, "At last - one could say. After almost half a year of treatment in various hospitals, several cycles of chemotherapy, irradiation and a bone marrow transplant, I have been finally released home in a pretty f**king good condition. I’m feeling OK, taking the intensity of treatment under consideration.
"That was not an easy period of my life… At this point I must express my thanks to the people who made all of those downs fairly bearable." He adds, "Although the whole treatment went really good, as well as the bone marrow transplant and the post-transplant period, the next several months is the time when I must really take care of myself. Of course I will have plenty of time to recover, think about the strategy and my return to the stage - which approaches imminently!"

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MACY GRAY feels so tormented about agreeing to perform concerts in Israel next month (Feb11), she has taken the unusual step of asking her fans whether she should cancel the gigs or not.
The I Try hitmaker is scheduled to play a series of shows in Tel Aviv, but she has come under pressure from activists to axe the concerts as part of a boycott over the lengthy Israeli-Palestinian conflict.
Gray took to the internet on Monday (17Jan11) to ask for advice, writing in a post on Facebook.com, "I’m getting a lot of letters from activists urging/begging me to boycott by NOT performing…
"What the Israeli government is doing to the Palestinians is disgusting, but I wana (sic) go. I gotta lotta (sic) fans there I don’t want to cancel on and I don’t know how my NOT going changes anything. What do you think? Stay or go?" After receiving over 4,000 messages from her devotees, Gray has opted to go ahead with the shows.
In a post on her Twitter.com page, she writes, "Dear Israel fans. Me and the band will be there in 20 days. Can’t wait. See you then. Peace." But Gray pointed out that despite her decision, she is still against the conflict, adding, "It is overwhelming (the response). I posted on Facebook. Wasn’t expecting any of this. But I am listening. And I don’t support oppression." Last summer (10) Elvis Costello axed shows in the country because of the "grave and complex" sensitivities there.

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Actress JENNIFER LAWRENCE is glad she’s finished filming her part in the new X-MEN movie - because she’s finally able to ditch her diet and eat her favourite treats again.
The Winter’s Bone star plays shapeshifting mutant Mystique in upcoming prequel X-Men: First Class, and was required to work-out regularly and eat healthily to shape up for the role.
Lawrence admits she found the regime tough, and she’s relieved to be able to eat normally again.
She tells The Hollywood Reporter, "It was awful, I was hungry for five months. I’m still p**sed about it.
"I’m slowly working my way back because I have to be able to eat like an a**hole."

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Actor PETER FACINELLI is finding it difficult to shoot both THE TWILIGHT SAGA: BREAKING DAWN movies at the same time - because he keeps forgetting which scenes he’s filming.
The star, who plays vampire Dr. Carlisle Cullen in the franchise, is busy working on the final pictures, which are set for release later this year (11) and 2012.
Scenes from both movies are being shot simultaneously, and Facinelli admits he’s struggling to keep track of what he’s doing.
He tells E! Online, "It’s a little bit more difficult. It’s a little more intimidating because there’s so much work to be done, and you’re jumping from one movie to another. It’s not in any kind of order so it does get daunting as you figure out which movie you’re in and what sequences you’re in…
"It’s long hours. But we’re putting in the work and hopefully it will come together as it always does." And the actor admits he’s so active on-set, he barely has time to stop for meals: "We’re so busy, we don’t even eat anymore. We just stopped eating."

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WINONA RYDER was forced to audition for the first time in 17 years for her role in THE DILEMMA.
The actress stars alongside Vince Vaughn and Kevin James in the Ron Howard comedy and she admits the process of landing the part of Beth was tough for her.
Director Howard asked the 39 year old to audition for the role to ensure she worked well with Vaughn, and Ryder passed the test.
She tells BBC’s Newsbeat, "I hadn’t auditioned for a film in about 17 years or something when this came along and I think they really needed to see the chemistry between Vince and I.
"He’s a fantastic actor but he does a lot of improvising, but they made it sort of like, ‘Why don’t you come in and we’ll play around with the scenes,’ so I didn’t have the pressure of an audition. The way that Ron Howard and Vince treated me was so easy and comfortable they took away all of my fear."

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NATALIE PORTMAN fell in love with her fiance BENJAMIN MILLEPIED during "romantic" dances for ballet movie BLACK SWAN.
The Hollywood actress met her choreographer partner on the set of the acclaimed film and they are now engaged and expecting a baby.
Portman admits their love grew over the course of filming, and she credits the dance scenes with bringing them together.
She tells U.S. TV host Ellen DeGeneres, "It was definitely over time as we worked together more, it’s very romantic to dance together. He choreographed the dancing and he’s my partner in the film as well."

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Movie bosses are forging ahead with plans to reboot MEL GIBSON’s LETHAL WEAPON franchise with a new cast after the actor refused to take part.
Gibson cemented his place in Hollywood with his role as a cop in the 1987 original, and he reprised the role for three sequels.
Rumours of a fifth movie in the series emerged in 2008, but director Richard Donner revealed Gibson had turned down the chance to star in another installment.
A new report now suggests plans for Lethal Weapon 5 are still going ahead, with movie executives hiring screenwriter and former Los Angeles police officer Will Beall to create the plot for a new cast.
Sherlock Holmes producer Joel Silver is behind the reboot, according to Deadline.com.

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