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A New Zealand man was knocked off his home toilet by an out of control car.
The man had been sitting on the lavatory when an SUV vehicle – which was parked 10 metres away with its emergency brake only half on – crashed into his house.
Police said a building contractor working next door had parked the vehicle at the top of the bank minutes earlier. Sergeant Kim Reid said: “He came back to his vehicle and found it next door, basically.” When the home owner was asked how the builder might be feeling, he said: “What about me? I got knocked off the toilet. I got a fright.” The man asked not to be named because he is selling the house.

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A British crematorium has launched a pay-per-view scheme to allow mourners to watch their loved one’s funeral online.
Southampton Crematorium are charging friends and family who can’t attend the funeral £75 to view the service live via a video camera placed discreetly in the chapel.
The company behind the scheme, Wesley Music, are also offering DVDs of funerals for £50 or audio recordings for £25.
Trevor Mathieson, manager of Southampton Crematorium, said: "The service is designed very much with the distant relative or ill friend in mind. Families are getting older and more dispersed and it is not always easy to get to a funeral these days. The webcast or DVD can let them be a part of the service."

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A German man is suing a hospital after blundering doctors left a pair of 15-inch surgical clamps inside his abdomen during routine surgery.
Norbert Pohl underwent a relatively simple procedure to clear his blocked intestine, but emerged in excruciating pain.
He then had to go in for a further five operations to repair his stomach but was only told what had happened afterwards.
He said: "I underwent operation after operation without apparent success because I was still in pain. It was only after the fifth procedure that they told me about the clamps.
"I have to wear a surgical corset now in case my insides literally fall out because my abdomen wall has collapsed." Pohl’s lawyer, who has dismissed a £10,000 offer from the hospital as "paltry", said it was a miracle his client was still alive.

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A beauty pageant for camels is being held in Abu Dhabi.
Ten thousand camels will compete against each other and their owners have the chance to win more than £4 million in prize money.
Camels from Bahrain, Kuwait, Oman, Qatar and Saudi Arabia will take part in the competition, which is part of the Mazayin Dhafra festival, with a panel of expert camel appreciators judging each age group.
The ruler of Abu Dhabi, Sheikh Khalifa bin Zayed, has sponsored the event for the six years it has been running.

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A Canadian man has been jailed after asking seven women to kick him in the groin. Jarrett Loft, 28, approached the women over a period of two months last year, requesting that they strike him in his private parts. One woman, who said she was scared of what Loft would do if she refused, kicked him repeatedly in his manhood. Loft then thanked her, and cycled away on his bike Loft told the court that he had been acting out of curiosity. In addition to the 60 days in jail, Loft has been banned from parks, schoolyards and playgrounds, and from accessing the internet.

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A Chinese man claims to have created the world’s largest working mobile phone.
Mr. Tan, of Songyuan city, says his 3ft high phone, which weighs 48lbs, is an exact copy of his own phone - but 620 times bigger.
The phone was tested by making calls and sending text messages and pronounced it completely functional.
Tan says it has all the functions of a normal phone, with a built-in camera and internet access but has to be plugged into the mains as he hasn’t managed to build a big enough battery.
He said: "The only other difference is that I didn’t incorporate the vibrate function."

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A British businesswoman was stunned when she was charged £360,000 for four cappuccinos.
Terri Patsalides, 59, was waiting to meet a traveller at London Heathrow Airport’s new Terminal Five building, was handed the huge print-out at the Giraffe Juice Bar.
She said: "The baggage delay was so long I finished off four coffees.
"When I got the print-out I told the waitress that although they were very nice, I thought £90,000 a cup was a bit over the top.
"She went bright red when she saw my bill was £361,514.97 and said it should have been £12." A Giraffe Juice Bar worker said: "It was just a glitch on the computer system. The bill was cancelled and everyone had a laugh."

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A ‘dead’ Peruvian woman stunned her family as she awoke just as they were about to put her body into a coffin.
Felicita Guizabalo Viera, 33, had been battling cancer and was declared clinically dead by a doctor.
Two hours after hearing the news, her devastated family prepared to hold a wake in the La Libertad province.
However, Felicita opened her eyes just before she was buried alive.

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A German woman was stunned after waking up with a new pair of breasts following surgery to have her wrinkles removed.
Ingrid Bruelling, 33 – who had the operation in the German city of Kassel - wanted firmer skin after losing a staggering 224lbs on a crash diet.
But when she woke up after the surgery she found doctors had put two silicone implants into her breasts, increasing their size from a C cup to a D.
Doctors said the woman should not complain as the best way to tighten the skin and remove the wrinkles was to make her breasts bigger.

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A US man has allegedly been caught on film having sex with a picnic table.
Art Price Jr. was seen with the table on four separate mornings, engaging in a lewd sexual act.
The alleged incident took place near a school in broad daylight in the town of Bellevue in Ohio.
A neighbour, who filmed the act, claims he saw Price in his garden turning over a round metal table before performing a sex act upon it.
Local Police Captain Matt Johnson said: "He was completely nude. He would use the hole from the umbrella and have sex with the table."

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Lingerie for the dead has been released in Malaysia.
Mourners have been snapping up huge quantities of paper bras and panties, some with leopard prints, to burn as offerings for the deceased during the Qing Ming Festival this month. It is customary to burn fake money and small scale or life-size models during the festival as they believe their ancestors will receive these items for use in the afterlife. Clothes have generally been limited to outerwear, but lingerie is now proving a hit.
Tay Lay Nah, a shop owner in the northern Penang island, said: “Most customers find them cute and usually add a few sets (of underwear) to go with other paper clothing for their female family members to use in the other world.”

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A pet turtle in China has become addicted to smoking.
The amphibian started the unhealthy habit after picking up cigarette butts discarded by its owner Li Yun.
Now it can finish a cigarette in four minutes and gets withdrawal symptoms when it doesn’t get a nicotine fix.
Li said: “If I don’t let it smoke, it swims around crazily in its little pond, scratching the sides.” Animal charities have criticised Li, of Kouqian, Shanxi province, for publicising its habit.

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A New Zealand police officer stopped an attempted car theft after chasing the thief down the road naked.
The policeman was in bed asleep when his wife heard noises outside their home. As soon as he heard the sound of a car started up, he leapt out of bed and ran downstairs, despite having no clothes on As soon as the offender saw him, he ran off with the naked officer chasing him. He dropped two bags he was carrying and fled into the darkness, only to be picked up shortly afterwards by a police patrol.

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A thief in Norway walked out of an aquarium unnoticed carrying a crocodile under his arm.
The stolen reptile, named Taggen, was taken from the tourist attraction and staff are worried it may not survive outsides its habitat.
Bergen aquarium director Kees Oscar Ekeli said: "I think whoever did this knew what they were doing.
"It has a solid bite. Considering it is not bigger than it is, you could lose a few fingers, but no vital organs." The theft was immediately reported to the police and the aquarium is offering a £2,500 reward for anyone providing information leading to the recovery of the crocodile.

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A naked reading is being organsied in Germany to coincide with the release of a naturism book.
Author Thomas Kupfermann has written a book about the joys of the controversial subject, compiling snapshots and memories from leading lights in the naturist movement.
The bookshop in north-eastern Germany that is hosting the reading will be shrouded in heavy curtains to stop onlookers gawping at the naked audience.
Bookshop owner Helmut Maass has encouraged those attending to dress up warmly to cope with the chilly conditions and only strip on arrival.

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A British belly dancer was let off a parking fine by claiming she did it to keep her snakes warm.
The woman illegally parked her car on double yellow lines with her engine running.
When questioned about her manoeuvre she claimed she had to keep the car warm so her cold-blooded friends would not fall asleep before she took them on stage for her act.
Caroline Shepherd, head of the National Parking Adjudication Service, said the woman – who had been unloading her gear for her act at the time - won her appeal.

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A bull has been jailed in Mexico, after destroying two wooden shops.
People in Canalumtic say the animal also devoured their corn crops and police commander Felipe Gomez said it would not be released until the owner pays damages.
Owner Moises Santiz will pay a maximum of £200 - the same price he paid for the bull four months ago.
Santiz said he bought the animal on November 4 and let him out to graze. The bull disappeared on March 1, and was later found tied up in the patio of a private home in Canalumtic.
An angry resident had detained the beast to stop it causing anymore mayhem.

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An Italian family are set to sue the previous owners of their house after they failed to tell them it was haunted.
Gaetano Bastianelli and wife Stefania paid £94,000 for the home in the Umbrian town of Spoleto in 2005, with the owners agreeing to leave all the furniture and fittings.
The couple claim they were unaware the house had been built close to a disused cemetery, or that an exorcism had been carried out there in the 70s.
Bastianelli said: "The ghosts started their haunting on the first night. I woke suddenly at around one or two in the morning. There was water seeping from under the bathroom door." He also claimed the sound of chains rattling had alarmed his 10-year-old daughter, and claimed that the lawnmower and his wife’s car had spontaneously combusted.

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