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RICKY GERVAIS insists he doesn’t go on holiday - because his life isn’t tough enough to ever need a vacation.
THE OFFICE creator enjoys his job so much he doesn’t want to stop working, even in exchange for a week in the sun.
He says, “I have weekends off so I can’t complain. It’s doing what I love doing, coming up with silly stuff to make people laugh.
“It’s one long vacation”.

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PENELOPE CRUZ is to star in a film written by an unknown English primary school teacher.
A script written in 1994 by primary head teacher JOHN BRENNAN has been snatched up by Hollywood after they discovered it.
The plot is based on three men who travel to Argentina, South America, after becoming so enraged at DIEGO MARADONA’s ‘hand of god’ goal during the 1986 World cup soccer finals.

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Hollywood hunk JESSE METCALFE has lambasted the male population of Britain for their lazy habits and poor looks.
The DESPERATE HOUSEWIVES star, currently dating GIRLS ALOUD singer NADINE COYLE, thinks American men look better because they are active.
And Metcalfe is sure Northern Irish Nadine appreciates the work he puts into maintaining his impressive physique.
Metcalfe says, “British guys don’t work out. You’ve got to get the cardio in: I run on the treadmill, play basketball, go hiking. You (should) watch what you eat.”

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STAR WARS beauty NATALIE PORTMAN has been romantically linked to a new man American violinist JOSHUA BELL.
Babyfaced Bell, 38, is the latest celebrity male to be linked to 25-year-old Portman - who was recently spotted with JAKE GYLLENHAAL.
Portman watched Bell in concert at New York City’s Lincoln Center on Sunday (20AUG06) before enjoying a private dinner party with the musician and her parents at SushiSamba Park, according to the New York Daily News.

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SIR SEAN CONNERY has pulled out of a planned debate at Scotland’s Festival Of Politics, after his opponent said he would question the acting legend about domestic violence.
The former JAMES BOND star caused controversy when he declared, “Sometimes there are women who take it to the wire. That’s what they are looking for - the ultimate confrontation. They want a smack.” Connery later attempted to claim the quotes were taken out of context.
Last week (14AUG06), Connery’s ex-wife DIANE CILENTO claimed the actor had physically abused her in 1965, saying, “I felt a blow to my face and was knocked to the floor and passed out for a few seconds… I got to my feet and tried to fight back, but another blow sent me flying.” Connery, a staunch Scottish National Party (SNP) supporter, was set to have a debate with the festival’s Presiding Officer GEORGE REID, who vowed to ask the actor about his views on domestic violence.
Despite attending the Edinburgh film festival, Connery has pulled out of the politics event this week (ends25AUG06).

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LATEST: TOM CRUISE and his business partner PAULA WAGNER have hit back at “offensive” Paramount Pictures, after the studio failed to renew its producing contract with the actor, blaming his controversial off-screen behaviour.
The TOP GUN star’s company Cruise/Wagner Productions worked with the studio for 14 years, jointly producing blockbusters such as WAR OF THE WORLDS, MINORITY REPORT and the MISSION: IMPOSSIBLE movies.
On Tuesday (22AUG06), the chairman of Viacom - Paramount’s parent company SUMNER REDSTONE announced the deal was not being renewed.
Redstone told the Wall Street Journal, “His recent conduct has not been acceptable to Paramount.
“As much as we like him personally, we thought it was wrong to renew his deal.” Cruise received a barrage of negative publicity last year (05) due to his public displays of affection with fiancee KATIE HOLMES, his promotion of his controversial religion Scientology and his verbal bashing of the actress BROOKE SHIELDS for her “misguided” use of prescription drugs to treat her post-partum depression.
However, Cruise and Wagner claim they decided to withdraw from Paramount, with Wagner saying, “For some reason, Paramount has chosen to negotiate in the press.
“It’s not really the most businesslike approach. We’ve had virtually no dealings with Mr Redstone.
“With War of the Worlds and MISSION: IMPOSSIBLE 3, Cruise helped earn nearly $1 billion for Paramount this year alone.” Cruise’s agent RICK NICITA adds, “What this says about Paramount is self-evident. It was graceless and it was shocking and offensive.”

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The British Musician’s Union has attacked new security measures at airports for causing “significant loss of earnings”.
Following the foiled terrorist plot to blow up 10 planes on 10 August (06), tough procedures have been put into place at British airports - which means instruments cannot be taken on as hand luggage.
Worried performers who do not trust aircraft holds to carry their fragile instruments, have been forced to break contracts abroad.
KRISTINA ALJINOVIC, managing director of Specialised travel, says, “You cannot expect clients with instruments worth up to £3 million ($5.5 million) to part with them. People are prepared to submit themselves to extra screening.”

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Singer PATTI LaBELLE was left hungry and furious after air stewards ruined her dinner because of heightened security measures.
The soul legend was flying on 10 August (06) - the day of the foiled terrorist plot to blow up ten planes from Britain to the United States.
LaBelle tells the New York Daily News, “I flew the day of the Orange Alert, the first day that it happened and they took my hot sauce! “I swear to you. I said, ‘This is (like) my shampoo!’ I said, ‘It’s hot sauce - for my diabetes, it’s for my food.’ They said, ‘I’m sorry, Ms LaBelle.’ “No! I said, ‘Can I pick it up on my way back?’ ‘No!’”

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British pop act McFLY have ridiculed heart-throb JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE’s new song and branded the singer “lazy”.
The cheeky boy band claim when they first heard Timberlake’s single SEXYBACK, they thought it was a joke.
Bass player DOUGIE POYNTER says, “What is going on with Justin’s new song SexyBack? “I spent the first two days after hearing it laughing and when I found out it wasn’t a joke I spent the next two crying in the room.
“Just because you know what BRITNEY (SPEARS) and CAMERON (DIAZ) look like naked now, it gives you no right to be lazy, but please don’t sue me, Justin.”

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Hip-hop star MISSY ELLIOT has stunned organisers of her latest gig, by demanding $133,000 (£70,000) of backstage perks.
The GET YOUR FREAK ON rapper has provided a huge list of requests for her forthcoming gig in Bournemouth, England.
To persuade the star to leave her native US for the UK, gig organisers has paid for 35 first class flight seats, two five-star hotel suites, 33 five-star rooms, $5,500 (£3,000) worth of dinners and an unlimited source of Cristal champagne - which costs £400 ($750) a pop.

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LATEST: HEATHER MILLS is furious with her estranged husband SIR PAUL McCARTNEY after finding out she could be made homeless.
The former model blames the rocker for failing to obtain planning permission for the cabin she has been residing in since their split in May (06).
The former BEATLE has been letting Mills stay in the building so that he can be close to their two-year-old daughter BEATRICE, but is currently embroiled in a planning battle with the local council, who have given McCartney until November (06) to submit a retrospective planning application for the illegally-built lodge.
A source told British newspaper The Daily Mail, “She is laying the blame firmly at his door for the lack of planning permission.
“Heather is furious. When she gets back from Los Angeles - where she is on holiday - she will have to start some serious house-hunting.
“She hopes to buy a property when the divorce is finalised. She did have a flat in London but Paul bought that off her so that she could buy a barn which is now being used as an office.”

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Socialite PARIS HILTON’s debut single STARS ARE BLIND has been censored by Indian broadcasters, who claim the video is too sexual for TV.
The promo features Hilton writhing on a beach with a sexy male model, and touching herself as she breathily sings, “If you show me real love baby/ I’ll show you mine/ I can make you nice and naughty/ Be the devil and angel too.” However, bosses at India’s Central Board of Film Certification determined the promo has too many “sexual connotations” to be broadcast on any of nation’s TV channels.
NARENDRA KUSNUR, manager of A&R of EMI Virgin India, says, “In fact, we had edited the video and sent a fresh copy, but they weren’t happy with that.” Hilton fans in India will be able to catch the video on shampoo firm Clinicall Clear’s website. The company have sponsored the aspiring singer’s music campaign.
EMI Virgin marketing manager KAVERI KHULLAR adds, “To the best of our knowledge, there are no rules yet regarding censorship on the net so we plan to use the online platform to generate buzz.”

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MADONNA’s forthcoming Russian gig is causing concern for local authorities, who fear students living near the concert venue could fall while attempting to watch the superstar.
The MATERIAL GIRL is set to close her Confessions tour on 11 September (06) at Moscow’s Vorobyovy Hills - only a stones throw away from the capital’s Lomossov University.
The head of the city’s security department NIKOLAI KOULIKOV says, “The question of where the Madonna concert will eventually take place has still not been resolved.
“More than 250,000 tickets have already been sold and we fear the students of the university could fall from the windows.” Koulikov says authorities are considering moving the concert to the Tushino airfield in north west Moscow.

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The seven-time Tour de France winner let the casting choice slip during a conversation with staff at US sports network ESPN.
Lance revealed Matthew McConaughey had been lined up for the role but the movie’s producers decided to go with the ‘Brokeback Mountain’ actor instead.
A source at the network explained to the New York Post newspaper: “Lance said that’s why he has been spending so much time with them both this summer.” Meanwhile, his former fiancée, Sheryl Crow, has revealed she still thinks about him every day.
The ‘If It Makes You Happy’ singer and the athlete split in February this year, but the singer admits she is still struggling to get over him.
She said: “When we broke up it was devastating.” Sheryl - who was diagnosed with breast cancer less than a month after the split - recently admitted she wished the 34-year-old sportsman was by her side while she fought the disease.
She revealed: “I would have loved for him to have swept in and carried me through it.” Lance survived his own battle with cancer after being diagnosed with testicular cancer in 1996.
It’s not yet clear whether or not his relationship with the singer will feature in the biopic.

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The 26-year-old actress was rumoured to have had an affair with ‘Jackass’ stuntman Bam Margera last year, and now his co-member Chris Pontius has written a song about their alleged affair for new film ‘Jackass: Number Two’.
According to the New York Post newspaper, the song is said to describe a “kinky form of intercourse that can’t be printed in a family newspaper”.
Although Jessica and Bam have always denied the affair, Bam’s father Phil told a US radio station last May that his son had slept with the ‘Dukes of Hazzard’ star.
The DJ asked: “Is Bam nailing Jessica Simpson? Is that what’s going on?” Phil replied: “He’s never lied to us, and he said he did.” Jessica was still married to Nick Lachey at the time of the alleged fling and a flustered Bam previously admitted he had once shared a bed with her but insisted he had fallen asleep and nothing sexual happened.
Jessica’s spokesman Rob Shuter still insists the pair never had sex.
He said: “There’s no truth to it. Bam has been using Jessica’s name to get himself attention for a long time.”

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The ‘Angels’ singer believes many movie stars have an exaggerated view of their role in society and should be more grounded.
He said in an interview with Britain’s The Sun newspaper: “They talk about acting as if it’s saving someone’s life, but it’s not rocket science - it’s just pretending to be someone else.” Robbie also rubbished celebrity-endorsed religions such as Scientology, a sci-fi cult followed by Tom Cruise and John Travolta, and Kabbalah, a mystical offshoot of Judaism practised by Madonna.
He said: “I was raised a Catholic and still have the guilt, but I’m against organised religion.
“I had a look at Kabbalah on the internet out of interest but I wouldn’t go to a meeting,” Robbie also confessed despite living in Los Angeles, the movie capital of the world, he won’t watch depressing films because they bring him down.
He said: “I’m depressed enough so I don’t watch any depressing films.
‘Schindler’s List’, ‘Brokeback Mountain’, ‘Saving Private Ryan’ - no thanks.
“Take ‘Million Dollar Baby’, she bites her own tongue off to kill herself at the end. If I’d have known that was going to happen, I wouldn’t have watched it. You don’t need that in you life.”

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The Rolling Stones singer is rumoured to have proposed to his girlfriend, who has been dating for around four years, and L’Wren was recently pictured in London wearing a large rock on her ring finger.
A source told Britain’s Daily Express newspaper: “L’Wren was wearing a sparkling diamond ring on her engagement finger on a shopping trip to London. She seemed keen for people to notice it. She thrust her hand out in front of her so it was impossible to miss.” The 39-year-old former model was spotted flashing the ring while shopping with ‘Moulin Rouge’ star Nicole Kidman who recently got hitched to country singer Keith Urban.
The two towering beauties looked at clothes for about an hour in a designer boutique that had opened after hours especially for them.
The source said: “L’Wren looked really happy and was giggling with Nicole.
She is obviously delighted to be the next Mrs Jagger.” Jagger’s second wife, Jerry Hall, who was with the rocker for 23 years and has four children by him, may not be so pleased.
When questioned five months ago about rumours that Mick and L’Wren may be engaged, she said: “He’s not the marrying kind.”

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The 17-year-old actor had his first kiss with Cho Chang, played by 18-year-old Katie Leung, in the latest film ‘Order of the Phoenix.’ Daniel said: “We probably got it on the 30th take. My god it was fun. Me and Katie - we were awkward and nervous at first but once we got it, it was fine.” And the wizard’s leading lady had a good time as well.
Katie said: “Daniel is a good kisser. I really enjoyed it. He’s energetic and makes you feel relaxed.
“He talks all the time and tells you not to be nervous. It’s great working with him.” The teenagers attracted a big audience while they smooched.
Producer David Yates said: “The crew gathered round the monitor the day we shot the kiss.
“We did many, many takes and it’s very tender and loving, as the first kiss should be.” The film, the fifth in the Harry Potter series, will be released next July.

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